Why the incarnation principle still applies:
Taking relationships seriously means you need to show up

Written by David Landis for Franconia Mennonite Conference

“When we’re all gone, this church will disappear,” stated an older gentleman from a suburban Philadelphia Mennonite congregation whose population of young adults is virtually non-existent.

When I began working for Franconia Mennonite Conference in early 2006, it didn’t take much time to realize that many young adults are loosing connections with their home congregations, both unintentionally and intentionally. Many leave for college, begin an international service term or settle into jobs, shedding familiar connections to explore an adult role within their surrounding community.

As a young adult often feeling this same disconnect, I wanted to investigate the situation. Even though much has been presumptuously stated about why young adults are not connecting, it seems that a lot of what is heard are words and ideas not supported by experiential investigation.

Listening to Young Adults

In order to explore the questions, we visited students from our conference’s congregations at various colleges. Spaces were set up at restaurants and coffeehouses for conversation over food and drinks. We hoped to bring an atmosphere of hospitality to students in a manner that wouldn’t beg them to come back to church, but rather honestly seek the best ways to mutually listen, understand and support.

Although it might seem like an obvious observation, we clearly discovered that the very act of going and listening is the most practical starting point for understanding each other. In a world where those close to us are often separated by vast geographic distance, it takes a lot of energy, time and financial investment to make these journeys. Yet we sacrifice these precious resources of our culture because we care. An incarnate sacrifice indicates that we are committed to actively pursuing relational understanding.

The incarnation is a foundation of the Christian experience. In John 1:14, Jesus initiates his relationship with humanity when “the Word became flesh and dwelled among us.” Jesus came full of grace and truth, seeking invigorated relationships.

Relationships are at the Core

We all believe that relationships are the core of our meaningful experiences. Much energy in the church has been invested into the familiar phrase, “strengthening our personal relationship with God.” Young adults have directly and indirectly communicated that we understand what it means to be in relationship with God by how we are in relationship with others. As Jesus said, “Whatever you have done for the least of these, you have done for me.” We show how much we care by what we do.

Making the sacrifice to walk alongside each other on the journey indicates how much the relationship is valued. Many young adults do not hear from their home congregations while they are studying or serving far from home. Some have indicated that they feel their congregations view college or international experiences as a time to “sow wild oats” as prodigal daughters and sons, later to return to the way things have always been or suffer guilt otherwise. For many, these experiences are the first opportunity to freely explore difficult issues. This period of questioning is a time of trying to grasp how experiences interact with integrity to the world around us and nurture healthy, holistic relationships.

For many, the church has been a place that privileges those who seem perfect and successful. Idealistic morality is the socially rewarded goal; it’s a standard that all of us fall short of attaining. Consequently, our personal struggles are the most difficult to discuss. By restraining from these difficult, personal conversations, we stress and damage the relationships within the community, eventually producing a desire to escape what seems like a facade.

Broken Relationships Estrange Young Adults from Church

Much of the pain that estranges us from our church community is due to broken relationships. We grow up in a closely connected group seeking to explore what it means to personally follow Jesus with our diverse daily decisions. It’s a difficult process that often separates us from each other. For the church community to holistically engage this learning path, we need to be able to re-imagine how to move toward each other.

Our hospitality, whether social or theological, indicates the approachability of our community’s relationships. Hesitancy to begin the journey is perceived as fear from the perspective of those who are ready to explore the path ahead together.

It’s become clear that Franconia Mennonite Conference’s college visits are greatly appreciated by our young adults. By meeting students in their settings, we have been able to engage the difficult conversations about the pain and betrayal resulting from injured relationships within church communities. Our experiences indicate that the safest space to reengage a conversation about the church is mostly outside of our meetinghouses. In this new space, leadership becomes fresh in a way that has been able to return into the ecclesial space with renewed energy and perspective.

Listening Produces Activity

Our initial gatherings in restaurants and coffeehouses have led to relationally founded conversations that have helped plug young adults back into the church in a way that fits their interests and personalities. These connecting points have led to summer internships in congregations, creative young adult initiatives like Bikemovement and international service and learning experiences. If we are willing to meet each other in our own contexts, we open up the potential for creative collaboration. Leadership cultivation is not programmatic or formulaic, it’s creative and relational. And being relational means you need to show up.

I suspect that young adults do not wish for the church to disappear. Too much of our theological heritage and personal stories are interwoven into the blessed mess that the church often appears to be. As we look ahead, our creativity may determine the sustainability of our shared hopeful trajectory.

Creating and sustaining these connections takes gracious energy. All of us, young and old alike, do not want to suffer this journey of exploration alone. Young adults desire wisdom and guidance from older adults who are willing to ask difficult questions with them. Many older adults who have lived through difficult questions are waiting to be asked about them. We are all hesitant to approach that vulnerable moment where the incarnation becomes paradoxically personal and communal, where words become flesh to bring forth grace, truth and ultimately new life.

David Landis is an Associate for Communication and Leadership Cultivation at Franconia Mennonite Conference.
 Photos of college visits available upon request (dplandis@franconiaconference.org)

 

Schedule I Models of Leadership Development I Questions for Presenters I Questions for Written Desciptions