Legitimacy for My Humiliation

Lina Haramy

I was asked to write an essay about my situation and its connection with the aftermath of September 11. This confused me, since my situation has existed for 52 years before September 11! This did not, however, stop me from looking at how September 11 affected me. The answer was clear and quick. September 11 made my humility legitimate!

As a result of September 11, Palestinians have come to believe that Israel, and more specifically Prime Minister Sharon, are the strongest entities on this earth! Their strength has been blessed by what others in the world seem to believe is the "superpower", the USA. All in the name of fighting terrorism (a term which changes definition depending on one's perception or "side"), Sharon and his government have:

• killed civilians and assassinated Palestinian figures that "cause a threat to Israel's security"— collateral damage in this case serving to lessen the number of the other
• destroyed people's houses using weak excuses, sometimes none at all - a violation of international law
• made Palestinians, who were refugees from 1948 and 1967, go through pain yet another time by destroying their tin houses in camps that already suffer from lack of running water, lack of space, unemployment and much more
• successfully put a whole population under house arrest in the 21st century

Curfew. That is what I want to talk about now. What is curfew anyway? Curfew is an order you receive mostly from 18 year-old Israeli soldiers who drive around in tanks, armed vehicles and jeeps. They drive around any day of their choosing, usually at about 6:00 in the morning, shouting (sometimes incoherently), prohibiting civilians from leaving their homes. In their very words, translated from Arabic to English, "Anybody who disobeys will become a martyr!" From time to time they do allow us to get out of our houses for a little while. Of course, they know that any previous knowledge of "freedom time" is a luxury, so they inform the Palestinian authority only the night before at around 8 p.m. or later (when they do), and then let rumors take their course.

What do we do in those hours? People have to work to get money to put food on the table. It is difficult to keep your job during this time of over 60% unemployment. This is not just because of curfews, but also because there are closures of entire towns. This is when whole towns and cities are surrounded and people are not allowed out of their home town to get to work in the city next door. Working usually takes up most of the "free" time allowed. Then you see people running around like crazy at the very last hour, trying to do what they can before the countdown until the next curfew is complete.

Then the shooting starts! Israeli soldiers start to shoot their guns to alert the people that it is time to get back home. Usually around that time people are already starting to head back home to avoid any stray bullets supposedly meant to only inform us of the on-coming curfew. There is no routine or predictability to our "freedom hours" or of when the curfew will be enforced or lifted. It seems they don't think the Palestinian people deserve that kind of stability. After all...Palestinians are occupied terrorists that are a danger to the "free world"! A free world that is held prisoner in its own mind, forbidden to talk against injustice, even if it is live flesh and blood in front of their very eyes! Injustice happens every second of the day, every day of the week, and has been happening for 52 years, only now it is justified! It's the War against Terrorism!

I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't humiliate me to keep trying to put into words what no human can stand living through. Having to connect it to another misery to make people want to understand only makes me feel that I am not worth listening to, so let's try to connect it to a tragedy that happened to real people and then… only then... maybe… we'll all understand!

Lina was a Fulbright scholar and is completing her CTP studies for an MA. Prior to coming to CTP she was a counselor and program assistant for the Big Bother - Big Sister program of the Palestinian Counseling Center in Jerusalem. She's also a dancer, interested in uniting diverse groups through dance and other expressions of culture.