"My Spiritual Life Week Journal"
Reflection on Spiritual Life Week
By Barbara Pearson
Monday - Prior to Spiritual Life Week, I have two sets of thoughts. First, I remember why I volunteered to write about the experience. I really value the emphasis which EMS has on spiritual formation. I feel that the seminary focuses 1/3 on spiritual life, 1/3 on academic preparation, and 1/3 on practical preparation for ministry. I believe that unless I am working from a place where I am grounded in my relationship to God and a body of believers, I am useless as a servant for God. I would insist on running off in my own direction, not follow God’s instructions, get burnt out, etc. Thus, I made an active choice to go to a seminary where I felt my spiritual life would be nourished and I would be surrounded by believers attempting to live according to the Scriptures. Therefore, I value and want to attend Spiritual Life Week.
On the other hand, I hadn’t realized we would be having classes all week as well, and that I would have 2 papers due. Thus, I wonder how I can do everything on my plate. I want time off to enjoy a spiritual retreat. I also feel sad that some of my classmates feel too tied to their academic work to attend. This emphasizes again the challenge of integrating time with God and devotions into our work schedule.
Tuesday-I feel embarrassed to say I had a hard time relating to the message in chapel today. (My internal critic says that I signed up to report my reactions so of course I should be an ideal student and think everything is wonderful, but I didn’t.) I could hear the words of Roy Hange, and I even took extensive notes. However, I seemed to be struggling to understand the words with my intellect, and they never penetrated to my heart and gut. I wondered if the problem was me (lack of sleep, not enough coffee), or if Roy and I were different types on the Meyers Briggs? Was he speaking the language of a thinking type and I’m an intuitive feeler?
I was intrigued by the reflections of the candles and intuited they had significance, but one which I could not yet grasp. The reflection certainly created the experience that there were twice as many candles as were physically present, and Roy’s words said that his point was that we are to reflect the light of God. However, my experience was, “does not compute.” For whatever reason, my heart, mind, spirit, and intuition just wouldn’t seem to work together on today, and I was powerless to change it.
Wednesday- My experience of Spiritual Life Week was much better today than yesterday. I find I am able to enter into the narrative of Abram leaving Ur and identify with the theme of leaving everything we have known. It is both frightening and an opportunity for transformation. The sermon at my church this past week was also on the obedience and faith of Abram. He left everything he knew, water, grass, and civilization, and depended on God as he crossed an arid place. He had to depend on God to supply his needs and guide him.
On a smaller scale, I left everything I had known for my entire adult life in Maine (a 30-year career as a Psychologist, a job of 22 years, home, and friends) in order to come to EMS. I came because I knew I had to completely immerse myself in a community of believers and full time preparation for ministry if I was ever to be transformed into a servant of God. I had put God off long enough, engaging in other good works while studying ministry part-time. I had to take a leap of faith and obey God in order for God to transform me. I am pleased with the result.
Today also feels like a day of spiritual retreat, which yesterday did not. I was able to get up in a much more leisurely fashion and be more nourished in my rule and rhythm of life before coming to seminary at 9:30. A leisurely discussion with Roy over breakfast in my Formation in Discipleship class also helped me be in a relaxed and open posture for the retreat. Having the whole day devoted to spirituality definitely made a huge difference in my ability to receive spiritually. Yesterday I had 3 classes, including Systematic Theology at 8 a.m. right before chapel. It’s quite possible I couldn’t switch rapidly enough between cognitive mode and spiritual mode yesterday in order to receive from Roy. Today I’m in a much more receptive space.
There were also more songs today, which always helps me experience the message on a more emotional level. I was intrigued that Roy mentioned that the third cup of the Passover, the cup symbolizing God’s redemption of the first born of the Jews (but not the Egyptians), was transformed into the cup of redemption for all by Jesus at the Last Supper. I pondered this and wanted to find out more about this idea.
Thursday- I was pleasantly surprised that the communion service seemed to tie the whole experience together for me. Things I had only wondered about previously became explicit in the communion service. For example, the Passover cup, signifying redemption for the Jews, became an invitation to everyone to come to Jesus for redemption in the breaking of Jesus’ body and shedding of His blood, enacted in the Last Supper.
The music also served to amplify this sense of emotional meaning and unity. Singing the same songs throughout the three day process helped integrate the various parts of the week, providing a cohesiveness I had not experienced earlier. In addition, one song was woven throughout the communion service itself giving a sense of unity to the service which amplified the unity of the retreat and the unity among believers. Thus, I believe that in the end I received more from this spiritual respite in the middle of a work week than I initially thought.
